Tuesday, August 14, 2007

no babies...


i'm finally recovering from the disappointing news. the 2 week wait was the worst part of the whole thing. am i pregnant or not, just tell me please! i didn't feel one ounce of being pregnant so i was pretty much planning on the bad news. but the reality of it really sucked. i think i got all my crying out the past two days, so today i haven't felt that emotional about it. i decided i'm not going to wallow in my sorrows any longer. thinking about my life, i've always had to fight for things i've wanted. i guess this is just another and i'm ready to fight back. life doesn't always turn out how you picture it and that's the hardest thing to accept. the world can try real hard to cripple you and it can, but you're the one that makes that decision. so my infertility journey continues....
p.s. cheesy picture huh!

12 comments:

Jenny said...

i'm so sorry. i've been thinking about you all weekend, and hoping you got a different answer. wouldn't it be nice to understand why things are the way they are? why we have the trials we have? i'll keep thinking about you guys and hoping that everything works out for you.

the picture is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

oh, heidi! I wish i was there to give you a gigantic hug. You are such a strong person. All will fall into place in its right time? right? Much love! You are the best! I just love you to pieces. We will pray for you and Danny that the next one is the charm~

Love you dearly~ PAIGE

Cassie said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I have knots in my stomach and I don't even know you. Infertility just sucks. My heart goes out to you, I totally understand how you feel. Way to go for trying so hard to have a positive outlook on this and wanting to keep fighting for what is yours.

C. Jane Kendrick said...

I like this:
i've always had to fight for things i've wanted.
and this:
so my infertility journey continues....
You are giving me the courage to keep fighting too.

kelly said...

heidi -
you know we love you and constantly thinking of you. i can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. just know we are here for you... anytime. lots of love!

Coll-coll said...

JOY

"Joy is an emotion of the spirit. It comes through righteous living. It is not a casual or shallow feeling, ever. If we equate fun and pleasure with happiness, we may think pain must always be equated with unhappiness. But that is not true. Joy is not a stranger to pain. We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things. In 2 Nephi 2:23 we find this phrase: “having no joy, for they knew no misery.” Our capacity to feel joy actually increases as we righteously endure our pain." Ensign 7-07

I've loved this quote for 2 years now. It came to my mind when I checked your blog this morning. You know I adore you! Our Father in Heaven is SO aware of each of us individually. He knows your heart!
Love you!

Stephanie Aurora Clark Nielson said...

i am thinking about you...
kisses,

stephanie

Anonymous said...

Love you Heidi, hope that you know you little bro loves and is praying for you!! Can't wait to see you all in December. Ry RY

mcnancy said...

Daughter--My heart cried with yours and there's no words to express my feelings except....I've loved you since your first breath and am so proud of the woman you have become. Your strength and character inspire me and I am so grateful to be your mother and delight in the closeness we share. I'll be there for the next round of embryo's. I know not the purpose of the hard things that happen in life, but I do know that there's always some gift to be found in the suffering that seems to enlarge our soul and strength our resolve. I know that God is watching over us and He will carry us along. I liked what you had to say in response to your situation and see that you will walk forward from here in faith.....Love Always, Momma

sara said...

heidi- i was so sad to hear the news. i can totally understand what you are going through. the sucky part about it is that you have to go through it. things will work out in time, i know you know that. we are thinking about you and hope that you keep your spirits up and you will get that baby someday and it will be the best thing ever! we love you.

FJ Johnson said...

Heidi this is Kristi i just found your blog, i am so excited. Anyways it broke my heart to find out the sad news. You have the best attitude and outlook on life. your amazing. Goodluck with everything. I know something good will happen for you guys soon.

mama jo said...

hang in there heidi...when the time is right, it will happen...go to my niece's blog. http://thegabblog.blogspot.com
she waited ten years...tried infertility, adopted 2 kids that look exactly like her and then had twins through invitro...i just know that those 2 older ones were supposed to be in her family...so you never know.....